Below is the letter from medic nat at fieldbase to alpha 3. It was so brilliant I had to put it on here. There will probably be a lot of inside jokes you won’t get… But in order to truly appreciate it please read as if you were talking to aliens from another planet in a weird low documentary style/new reporter voice!!
Dear Jen, Ali and Ange,
Greetings from civilisation Fieldbase, land of great honour and intermittent Philippino unrest. We have sent 3 of our kind to make contact with you, I hope they please you with the goods they offer and that you accept them under you unshaven wings.
The first is Kris, Man of Fieldbase. He can offer great muscle training session to your kind. Beware of him chopping trees in your primary protected realm….a recent chopping incident at Kingdom Fieldbase left a ‘10yr old untidy bush’ hacked to within an inch of it’s life, with the remaining fieldbase population being dragged into many evidence clearing exercises to hide his unruly display of man peacocking.
The second is Linda, Queen of Finance. You may witness her counting things in many different boxes. The counting may be audible or displayed as several nods of the head followed by scribbles on small bits of paper kept roughly in the same area, possibly followed by further audible or inaudible counting or displays of head nodding. If you are lucky and treat her well you will be able to see her practicing a phenomenon known in our realm as Setting Up The Shop; a beautifully choreographed activity where she pulls out ALL her boxes in several quick but graceful movements attempting to lure in greedy or under-prepared members of your kind to buy her stock for a reasonable profit. Respect her well, ultimately she has the cash!
The third is Becky, Goddess of Logistics. She also carries a box, but unlike Linda she does not partake in wild assorted box gathering displays or attempt to make financial profit from your people. The goods her box contains are gifts to you from Kingdom Fieldbase that will aid you in your valiant mission to Pull Heavy Logs for Several Weeks. However, our goddess guards her box with steely flare and style. She will lurk around it almost always wearing a pair of designer sunglasses, even under the dark canopy that covers your dominion. Perhaps this is to hide the hint of horror that is now permanently fixed in her eyes following the recent man displays of Kris, Man of Fieldbase. Or perhaps this is her way of visually adhering to the culturally sensitive big eyed bugs that reside in dimension Imbak. We may never know. HOWEVER!! As her box bares the gifts you do seek so longingly, you may wish to gather your least pathetic venturers to prove yourselves worthy of her attention. If she is unimpressed with your efforts she is likely to repeatedly eat Mars Bars whilst staring silently straight ahead, unengaged. Should you manage to grasp her highly sought approval, only then will she open her box and let you gather what you desire from the logistical feast that lies within.
We hope that we find you in a sphere of good happiness and we are looking forward to a progress report both on mission pulling log and mission Movember for hairy legs. Jen, please refer to the graphic A contained in your envelope which we have enclosed to reference the continued use of your DYI bike efforts during your Fieldbase days. I am stealthily upholding section 8 of your handover (do not make Mac more than one cup of tea a day unless making yourself one too), however I feel like I am on the brink of exponentially increasing the number of brews I have in a day. Otherwise things here at Kingdom Fieldbase continue to run like the usual clockwork, we are working hard to increase the number of sunbathing minutes exercised per day and number of superhero film dedicated evenings.
Until next changeover,
Nat – your resident most amazing, beautiful and generally all time good time fieldbase medic xxx