Encountering Episodes

“It is impossible to know both an objects position and its path simultaneously. If it were possible, then we’d be able to predict its future unmistakably” – Heisenberg uncertainty principle.

Over the past year or so the above idea has embedded itself subconsciously in my mind. Although I believe this theory to be based around mainly scientific relevance, I think it’s astounding how much it can resonate in other areas of life, albeit personal, philosophical, to do with every day goings on, planning for the future and I think it also has a roll to play in determining fate.

I can mainly relate to this when things seem to go wrong. For instance in a relationship, often you may know where you are, but not where you are going. Or vice versa, where you are going but not where you are. I’m not entirely sure whether you can ever have both. As the idea suggests, if you do have both you can most likely predict a future outcome.

I think in a relationship in particular you have this theory but doubled. For instance, I may know exactly what path I am going down, but be in a mental state where I do not know where i actually am or what I am doing with my life. Therefore without knowing my position and only my chosen path, I cannot predict my future. Similarly my partner may know exactly what he is doing in a precise moment in time but not any idea about what path he wants to go down. Bring these two situations together and does it become near impossible to determine even slightly a future together?

I suppose this is a situation I found myself in last year. A situation where paths and positions altered, not suddenly, but gradually over a period of time. And I guess in a relationship this can lead to unrest, confusion and ultimately a parting of ways.

Don’t get me wrong I think this is an extremely black and white look at a relationship. It’s possible that all relationships battle with position and path/destination throughout its life. Whether its 5 years or 35 years. I think that’s why I am mystified and in awe of say my parents whom, having been together for almost 34 years have been able to collaborate their positions and paths in such a way that they become one. I guess that is what marriage is. Perhaps a semi sacrifice of your own paths and positions in order to remain together, to witness each others lives and to make a more predictable future. And hopefully not begrudgingly. I suppose when it becomes such is when it falls apart.

Anyway, I guess that’s what leads me into this blog. After a good 5 years or so of putting certain paths and destinations on hold (i emphasise here that it was never begrudgingly) I very suddenly, and at the time quite shockingly became released of my previous partners paths and positions and found that after this reasonable length of time, all I had was to look at my own. To re-evaluate, re-do, re-invent, rediscover.

For several months I refused to really look at myself. I found it easier to look upon other people, and habitually found it easier to seek other people’s paths and positions in order to attach myself to something which actually wasn’t where I belonged. If that makes sense…

I can’t quite define the moment that it changed and I realised that I no longer wanted to live in shadow of other people’s lives or pretences. But I would say it was probably around autumn last year. Several things happened simultaneously; a death of an old family friend, an unwanted job promotion, the conforming idea of buying a house and a few months of partying later; I asked, is this really it? Am I just here to succumb to my environment, to try and make the best of a situation? Or am I here to create my own new path, and understand better my position in order to at least have an idea of where my future will lead.

This is probably where I differ from a lot of people. I like to know what’s going to happen next, then I can prepare myself for it! I would say I half like to plan and half like to just roll with it. Both scenarios I think I do in a pretty chilled out way, but I know I think far too much about everything.

For a long time I’ve been wanting to go back over to America. The last time I was there was in 2008 where I was fortunate enough to work in a school teaching theatre in Santa Monica, Los Angeles for my last year of university. My brother sam has been living in Chicago since September last year, and what with my new way of thinking (to create my own path etc) I decided that a visit is most definitely in order.

 I have also wanted to work abroad with a charity and also do a ski season (being a qualified ski instructor) for absolutely ages.

 So, in answer to some peoples’ question “becky, what made you decide to go travel?” I guess ultimately its a collaboration of things, but predominantly because it means I can now concentrate on my own position and path. Not running away, not specifically a journey of self discovery (although I am sure this is part and parcel of any travel) but more that I have realised I am in a position where I can!

 So it is with the above and various other things in mind that I now find myself on a voyage across the Atlantic Ocean to the grand city of New York.

 Those of you who know me well will know that I blooming hate flying. You can throw statistics of its safety at me all you want, but it won’t change how I feel about it. It’s a pretty deep rooted psychology, and I am fully aware that its all in my head. It’s a fear of fear ultimately I guess. And I know that if I don’t conquer that fear then I am literally shutting the door on  so many possibilities and opportunities.

 Even though I know I really have to get over this now, it still didn’t stop me from looking into cruise voyages across the Atlantic, and what do you know! Boom, the transatlantic season started in April this year, and one was leaving at a pretty perfect time at the end of may.

 To semi justify a cruise I most definitely needed someone to come with me, and who better than my wonderful mother; a sea creature and lover herself it was not hard to persuade!!

 So we have this itinerary lined up, mine is for 3 months around America, mums is for 3 weeks. Then a small month of a breather back in the UK before I FLY off to Borneo to work for Raleigh international as a logistics co-ordinator on their autumn/winter expeditions. After that I hopefully will be going via Bali (a place I’ve wanted to visit since reading and watching ‘eat, pray, love’) to Australia for Christmas. Then after that who knows! I am trying not to make things too planned, and trying to concentrate more on this idea of knowing my position on life and finding the path I want to take which will in turn inevitably figure out my future.

 Obviously ‘obstacles’ can come along along the way. But I would rather look at them as challenges and adventures, so they become part of the path and not hindering it.

 The first obstacle/challenge is that I am still trying to rent out my new house in Winslow! (So if anyone knows of anyone!) seems a bit bizarre to buy a house and then go off travelling doesn’t it. The rent I get off the house will cover the good old mortgage so kind of need that one to sort itself out asap! I guess it’s pretty awesome knowing I have something to come back to though.

 I also have to think of some fundraising ideas for my Raleigh international expedition to Borneo. Thinking of a race night, a call my bluff wine tasting evening or a barn dance. If anyone has any ideas or some free time to help out let me know! Will be doing the event/s in August.

 Anyway, with all of the above ramblings done, thanks for reading and, I know I tend to waffle, and I’m not sure if a lot of it will make sense… But welcome to my blog ‘Encountering Episodes’. I hope to keep this going for at least the next year of travels. I hope this has been a satisfactory introduction!

 Let the journey continue…..

“Not all those who wander are lost” – J.R. Tolkien

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